Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
