u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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