Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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