respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
