Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
