worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
