no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
