I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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