and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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