wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
