HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
false alarm. still invincible.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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