I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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