Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
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She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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