Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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