Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
please come you make the beer taste better
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
