he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
