and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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