Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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