I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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