I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
