Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize