i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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