My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
