dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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