she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
