Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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