I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
