I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
