I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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