Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
