im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
