tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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