I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
just found out that she named her cat after me.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
