There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
