i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
