based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
