just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
