Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
