I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
