I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
