My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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