yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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