Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
