Fuck appropriateness.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
