What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
