No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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