apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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