He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
