The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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