You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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