you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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