she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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