i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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