I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
