your room smells of hookers.
And success
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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