I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
