But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Congratulations! We have a period
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
