my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
