we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
