In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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