1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
