duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
