I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
