Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
