Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
