omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
