32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
