Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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