never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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