you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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