She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
