weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize