i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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